Dear Peanut

1st Time Mom
Baby Boy
2 Months old
Emergency CS

"I gave birth 2 months ago and my son's birthweight was 2.5kg. Pasang-awa ang timbang niya but I told myself na 'babawiin namin ni baby ang timbang niya via EBF."

Unang Yakap was done right away so ang saya-saya ko kasi nasimulan na agad ang breastfeeding journey namin.

I ate a lot of galactagogues and drank A LOT of fluids every day. I also had a weekly lactation consultation and massage with a Lactation Counselor for 3 consecutive weeks. I took Moringga 3 times a day together with GI Norm (domperidone). But despite all these efforts, my baby still cries inconsolably.

Awang-awa ako sa kanya na every time na maglalatch siya ehiiyak siya out of frustration then makakatulog na siya dahil napagod na siya sa pag-latch at pag-iyak. Akala ko dati kaya siya nakakatulog dahil nabusog na siya---maling akala.

So days went by na ganoon kami at napapansin namin ng family ko na parang pumapayat si LO pero in denial ako kahit pa nakikita na ng mga mata ko ang visible bones niya.

In denial kasi ang taas ng faith ko sa benefits ng breastfeeding and for me, how can an EBF go wrong?My mom suggested na magstart na kami ng formula kasi mukhang kulang ang gatas ko but I didn't listen and still pushed for EBF.

And then the pedia check-up happened.

From his birthweight of 2.5kg then 2.1kg (6 days after birth) ay bumagsak siya sa 1.8kg (24 days old)! Iyak ako sa loob ng clinic! What have i done to my son??!! All I want is to give my son the BEST pero bakit ganito??

Nanganib ang buhay ng anak ko dahil sa kagustuhan kong i-EBF siya! Sa timbang niyang 1.8kg ay literal na buto't balat siya. Sobrang nakakaawa at nakakatakot.

My 1st pedia prescribed formula milk para makahabol kami sa timbang ni baby. Eventually, lumipat kami to a new pedia at nakukulangan siya sa basta formula lang kaya she prescribed vitamins and I'm glad that we have a new pedia na mas tutok sa baby ko. Thanks, doc!

From July 1 na 1.8kg naging 2.8kg (July 20) na si baby. He gained 1 kg in just 19 days! Thank, God! Malayo pa kami sa average weight ni baby para sa edad niya but I'm glad beccause we are gaining weight and we are even surpassing the ideal 30g weight gain per day. Now, double chin na siya, full cheeks na, sleeping well na, and with adequate urine output and BM. We also noticed happier na ang disposition niya now, unlike dati na lagi siyang umiiyak.

I talked to my lactation counselor, we figured out the reason kung bakit under-supplier ako despite EVERYTHING that we did. The reason was I had a breast excisional biopsy sa both breasts 7 years ago and malaki ang possibility na may mga damaged milk ducts ako.

It was heartbreaking to know the fact na di ko pala talaga maa-achieve ang EBF sa anak ko kahit anong gawin ko. Buti na lang at naimbento ang formula milk kaya may pantustos ako sa nutritional needs ni LO dahil nga under supplier ako.Pero kahit under supplier ako I am still blessed kasi may BM ako kahit papaano and I am giving my LO the best BM that my body can offer.

Photos by Zhy Permejo Guinto

EBF is ideal (my heart is yearning for it even until now) but don't push for
it kung talagang di kaya lalo na kung manganganib na ang buhay ng baby mo. Being a good mother doesn't solely depends on how you feed your baby. Being a good mother is being able to decide for the BEST interest of your child.

Therefore, I must say that Fed is Best <3

~ Zhy Permejo Guinto
This entry was submitted by Kalisha Kring as part of an online promo for the Mixed Feeding Moms PH.

"My mixed feeding story began soon after my LO's first few days. As we all know, karamihan sa atin, milk will only start flowing on the 3rd day after birth.

Pero pina-try ko na siya mag-latch after 8 hours ng pagkapanganak niya. Once nag-start na ang milk production, I tried breastfeeding him. The first few days were a struggle. Just like other moms, praning ako na baka he is not getting enough milk. I talked to my friends na EBF, they were encouraging and frustrating at the same time. The pressure was on!

But then I have read that stress will cause problems with the milk production, so I started supporting my lo's feeding with formula. And now he's 3 months old, as long as I can, latch lang ng latch, pump din ng pump kahit tig 4 oz lang ang nakukuha.

Photo by Marla Mae Centeno

Formula kapag si hubby ang nagbabantay. And all is well!

To all mommies na MF or FF sila ng babies, do not let others judge your love for your LO based sa type of feeding na ginagawa niyo.

All love!

~Marla Mae Centeno
This entry was submitted by Kalisha Kring as part of an online promo for the Mixed Feeding Moms PH.

"I mixfeed as soon as my baby came out. I was confident that I could breastfeed my baby. I was leaking milk when I was transferred to my room. So when they roomed-in my baby I tried to feed him.

The problem was he couldn't latch. My OB, baby's Pedia, the nurses helped me but he just couldn't. I didn't have a pump because I was so confident I could do it.

So we bought formula milk. I continued leaking, tried to breastfeed everyday. Another problem was my pump came in a week after so my supply dropped but I was still happy that I could give him my milk. Hard work paid off when he was 5 weeks old he learned to latch! I was the happiest Momma! Ten months after, we still MF. I'm thinking of quitting soon but I will just let baby decide."

~ Tens Ogbinar Celis

This entry was submitted by Kalisha Kring as part of an online promo for the Mixed Feeding Moms PH.

"I gave birth 11 months ago. I have prepared myself for an exclusive breastfeeding journey, read all the books, joined most of the breastfeeding groups here on Facebook, and took all the galactogogues even before giving birth.

Hardcore breastfeeding mommy ako kumbaga. Then came my delivery, it was not an easy normal delivery. I stayed 14 hours, did Unang Yakap and early latching.

At first, I thought I was producing less, so unli-latch talaga kami sa hospital. Pati hanggang paguwi. Second night, I observed LO having bouts of inconsolable cries. I thought it was just kabag as my mom says. Third night, ganoon pa din. No sleep at all. Zombie mode. Unli-latch pa din. I even increased my malunggay capsule dose. Malunggay to all my meals. I even have M2, but none of them worked.

It was day 4 of my son when I noticed he became yellowish. And noticed yellow to orange stains on his diaper. I knew there was something wrong. It was also his 1st checkup.

My ever supportive Pedia says he didn't gain weight, as losing weight the first week is normal but to a certain measure only. He was crying most of the time, if not sleeping while latching.

I know mali talaga, siguro, nakakatulog na langsiya kasi napagod na siya kaka-latch, and wala pa ding milk. I tried pumping, patak lang. I know hindi basehan ang pumping to gauge milk...pero patak? Grabe lang. Then Pedia recommended observing if he's giving me enough wet diapers and mawala jaundice and mag gain ng weight kasi nga pinupush ko ang breastfeeding.

Pero come to think of it, my baby is too fragile to be dehydrated that much. It was also the day I started formula. I cried when I fed him a bottle. I really cried. Parang postpartum depression crying ganoon.Kasi nga I felt too bad, na its a failure.

Parang after feeding parang milagro, he can sleep soundly, nawala ang crying inconsolably, unti-unti nawala ang paninilaw.

Pero siyempre, I didn't give up my breastmilk. And I realized, hey, I'm not a bad mom. I feed my baby. Regardless if it's formula or breast milk.

As of today. He is 11 months old, he can consume about 15 oz of formula, while unli-latch pa din sa akin. He is gaining weight and super bibo baby. We are practicing Tamang Kain. And LO is kind of eating na din. Yehey!

At first, I pray to breastfeed him for at least 1 week, para sa colostrum, kahit colostrum lang kako para healthy baby ko. At 1-week nag-stabilize supply ko, dumami ang milk, so sabi ko, please hanggang 6 weeks, just before he has his vaccine, para healthy pa rin siya. Then hanggang 3 months po sana madami pa milk ko tapos ok na...hanggang sa 6 months po tapos mag solids na si LO, pero since I am still milking, sige na.. hanggang mag self-wean na lang si LO. I will still continue our mixed feeding journey...until the last drop.

Fed is best. Again, motherhood is not just milk.

~Aidelenn Wong-Bajandi

Founder of Mixed Feeding Moms PH

This entry was submitted by Kalisha Kring as part of an online promo for the Mixed Feeding Moms PH.

"I'm a first-time mom. I underwent CS 15 months ago to a baby girl.

And yes, I planned to exclusive breastfeed my baby as much as I could. She was 3.2kg at birth, Unli latch 24/7. At 6weeks, she weighed only 3.8 kg. After a month, she only gained to 4.1 kgs. I was a bit worried about her weight since I knew that she must gain at least 600grams a month.

When she was 3mos and a half, she got colds for the first time so we went to her Pedia. She was 4.4kg then.

I had my electric pump, but I can only pump at least 2oz per session. I knew it was not suitable for her consumption. So we decided to seek help.

She started to mixfeed with Enfamil Gentlease right away and now we just shifted her to Similac Gain Plus.

As of Feb28, she's already 9 kgs, taller than average, though a bit slim but she is within normal range for her age. At first, I got frustrated since I really wanted to EBF her.

I cried, thinking I was not giving her enough. But it came to my mind, with the support of my dear husband, that I'm doing a great job as a mom. It doesn't make me less of a mother doing mixfeeding, as long as I'm giving her all the best care and love I could offer. I will still breastfeed her until she self-weans and until the last drop.

It's not just about the breast. It's pure love.

~ Marie Antonette

This entry was submitted by Kalisha Kring as part of an online promo for the Mixed Feeding Moms PH.

Dear Peanut,

We just survived your first-ever sinat (low-grade fever). My god, the sleep deprivation, the fatigue, the body pains (ours!), and the anxiety. It sucks to feel helpless, knowing that we really can't do anything but soothe you and watch you closely through the night. I mean, even if I whispered to your ears over and over na“sa akin nalang ang sinat mo, anak”, that’s not possible, really.

It started in the morning when your dad noticed that you felt a bit warm to the touch. I was still half-asleep that morning but I heard that your temperature was somewhere near 37.5° C. When I got up, we gave you your first dose of CALPOL®. Dra.CTP gave it to us after your first vaccination in case you develop a fever, but you didn’t.

I had meetings set that day and I thought if I should cancel them because you were sick. The mom-guilt started but I figured, it’s just a slight fever and we gave you medicine already.

Your daddy was in charge that day, YayaL was here, and your LolaMama was due for a visit so it was a full house. Ang daming magbabantay saiyo. SC said I should go and take my much-needed day out with your RamenAunties. So, after giving you a bath (na dapat pala sponge bath lang), I left clear instructions and went to Pasig home first to have lunch with your grandparents.

Throughout the lunch, dinner, and after-dinner coffee that day, we’ve been monitoring your temperature and activities (as instructed by Dra.CTP). She said viral infections (not sure if it was a viral infection) could last a few days. Your body temperature kept on fluctuating between a high 36-point-something° C and mid 37-point-something ° C. You also ate less (you’re used to eating between 90ml and 120ml) and seemed weak so your father had to contain my praning mother hormones from exploding.

That night, we kept checking your temperature, checking if you’re breathing normally, soothing your cries, and encouraging you to finish your 60ml bottle. You kept crying when we try to put you down in your crib so your father and I took turns carrying you and rocking you to sleep.

We slept again with one eye open (of course, not literally) and it felt like you were 1-month old again. Since month 3, we had been successful in sleep-training you that we started to enjoy the adult bed to ourselves again. The success of our sleep training allows us to sleep through 4-5 hours before you would wake up for a night-time feed. I remember that during the first 2 months, you slept in your portabed between us. Last night, even if you slept in your crib, I got up every 20 minutes to check on your breathing.

And it sucked because we can clearly see the change in energy levels. Normally, you’re a bubbly little baby but last night, you felt too weak to even smile. And it sucked more because we don’t know why you had a low-grade fever but it could be that I passed on some of the viruses from my nasty sore throat to you. Or maybe something in the outside air. I don’t know. Or maybe the teething phase has begun. It’s good that we have a checkup coming up this week so Dra.CTP can check on you.

Normally, these small things can trigger crying fits in me. I used to be a very dramatic and emotional person. There were moments when I feel my soul go up in flames and then cool down. There were moments that I turn to ice (when I’ve had it with a difficult person, for instance) and moments when I scare myself too much because of overthinking.

Last night, I felt guilty and worried to the point of asking if it was my fault that you had a low-grade fever. I wondered if, as a mother, I should cry because my kid is not feeling well and I don’t know what caused it. But then I told myself, hey, it’s just sinat. It’s not even full-blown flu or high-grade fever. You seemed uncomfortable but you didn’t seem to be in any physical pain. You’re just too tired.

So I told myself I should stop the dramatics and just focus on the tasks at hand—monitoring your body temperature, acting quickly, and trying not to think too much. I guess it’s the writer in me that keeps on dramatizing things. Your father kept on telling me, “He’s going to be fine. It’s just fever.” And then I told myself, “You’re doing well. You got this.” I realized what kind of mother I want to be---like my mother, who always has this "I got this" and "Can do" attitude on things.

I want to be the kind of mother who, despite being scared shitless sometimes, knows what to do next and how to act quickly.

I'm saying this because I know of one auntie who, sometimes, gets too emotional that she thinks she can't do anything to help her children become better versions of themselves. I don't want to be the kind of mother who judges other mothers and adds to their worries. I'm just saying that seeing how my parents used reverse psychology and mad project management skills to influence their children, I want to be the kind of parent who actively participates in shaping the future of her child.

There's a time to be emotional and be ever so grateful for being a parent. But there is also a time when you just need to act, act fast, and get things done. This is the first time your father and I had to take care of a baby with a low-grade fever and I think we did well. We have mad project management skills too! Now that we know what to do when this happens again, I won't be this praning anymore.

And this morning, before your father and I left the house to run errands, the sinat is gone and you’re back to being the Milk Guzzler, catching up for the loss of appetite the other day so you can resume the position of “The Fat Kid Inside The #HouseOfDerla”

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

Today, we did an Amazing Race-style day trip at TMC. Nothing serious, thank God. They were all scheduled checkups but I wanted to emphasize how it ended up feeling like a race because it tested your parents’ project and time management skillz (yes, with a ‘z’, hahaha).

We left home at around 11:30 am and reached TMC a few minutes before 12nn. We needed to go to the HMO office first to swipe our new cards (Yey! You and I used our HMO cards for the first time, thank you to your daddy’s very generous company!) and get prepare the paperwork. I told SC to head straight to Dra.CTP’s clinic because the line there is always a “blockbuster” one.

HMO Guy: Ma’am ilang doctors po ang kailangan ninyo?
Me: Madami.

I gave him the list of all the doctors we had to see today complete with our concerns and scheduled activities. We needed to see 4 (Pedia and Allergist for you; EENT for your daddy, and orthopedic for me). The HMO guy was surprised (in a good way) but we managed to get everything in less than 10 minutes.

PEDIA: It’s official (once again), you’re fat.

Dra.CTP that your current weight is good for a 5-month-old baby already. You’re currently 4 months and 19 days old. But no need to go on a diet, sheesh, just pace the feeding.

And it seems you really have a thing for pretty ladies. Whenever you see one, you’d squirm and smile and twist and basically do this cutiepie thing so your pedia was really entertained by you. When we pulled down your pants to get ready for the vaccine shot, you’re all smiles but when you realized what was happening, nabingi na naman kaming lahat sa iyak mo.

So the crying knocked you out and you slept for quite some time while we had lunch at Pancake House. At one point, you faked your sleep but was probably too tired to cry again. There were female interns beside our table and you did the cutiepie thing again that earned you some praises. Show off, hahaha.

After lunch, we headed straight to your allergist and she confirmed what we suspected all along—you have atopic dermatitis (AD), also known as atopic eczema, which you inherited from both of us, but mostly from me because I have a family history of skin asthma. Nothing serious, yours is a mild case. We just need better lotion and moisturizer to keep your skin hydrated and keep the flare-ups at bay. In short, maarte ka din sa balat like me.

To save time, you and your father waited together for his turn at the EENT clinic while I did the leg work and paperwork for my requested knee X-rays. I was waiting for my turn at the X-ray room when you father sent me an SMS.

SC: Babe, nasaan ka na? Dito na doctor. Peanut is with the receptionist.
QB: Hala, tulog ba? Nakapila ako sa X-ray.
SC: Hindi, I can hear him kicking up a fuss.
QB: Oh no, sige pupunta na ako diyan.
SC:But mukhang okay na.

So I bolted from the seat and ran straight back to the elevators. God paved the way and I got the express elevator that got me from the ground floor to the 14th floor in less than 3 minutes.

When I arrived at the EENT clinic, one of the receptionists was carrying you and you have this resting bitch-semi shocked face that probably said, “I don’t know who you are but you’re warm, you’re soft (she was a bit on the chubby side) and where the hell is my mother?!?!?!”

At that moment, I didn’t panic that a stranger was holding my child. It only hit me now that I shouldn’t have allowed that. Anyway, we just laughed about afterwardrds, chalking it up to the kindness of strangers but I will never do that ever again. OH MY GOD, KINILABUTAN AKO JUST NOW.

After spending nearly 6 hours at TMC and blazing through 4 checkups, we checked out the TMC cafeteria bought a doner and a donut (which we rarely eat) because we fucking deserve it.

This day has completely depleted my energy that I slept in the car on our way back home. I was so tired that I almost snapped at the HYPEBEAST-looking teenage batang hamog girls who were in my way, blocking the entrance to the elevators. The short nap snapped me out of it and now it’s back to work.
I wrote this now because I want to chronicle how this day went well. Sharing with this scene at the clinic earlier:

I walked into the clinic of an orthopedic whose wife is a plastic surgeon.

SC: (opened the door, he and Peanut were outside, waiting): Honey! Magpapa-plastic surgery ka???
QB: (while the secretary was busy typing my information into the computer): Sira, yung orthopedic ang pupuntahan ko, hindi yung plastic surgeon. Bakit akala mo breast augmentation no?
SC: Hindi, akala ko papaayos mo na yung mukha mo eh.

One of these days, I swear, sasampalin ko yang tatay mo in his sleep. Two years ago, he was snoring really loudly and I kicked him off the bed. He fell and when he asked me what happened, I told him baka nanaginip lang sya. At naniwala naman.

Xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

Last December 2017, I found this article online. It's an open letter to new parents and it made me cry. Ito yung time na bangag na bangag kami ni SC with all the baby tasks. Ito yung time na takot na takot kaming magkamali sa mga ginagawa saiyo. Ito yung kasagsagan ng sleep deprivation, fatigue, and natural high with all the milestones we are all going through.

During this time, I can still feel the post-surgery pain and I couldn't really move around because my body was still healing. You were so tiny during this time and feeding every 2 hours.

Ito rin yung kasagsagan ng breastfeeding misadventures ko and probably a brush with post-partum depression because you wouldn't latch even if I followed all the instructions, tips, tricks, comments, suggestions, and probably voodoo (like brushing my boobies with a comb) about breastfeeding.

Then I found this letter and it was so beautiful. I'm sharing this here so you can read it when you grow up. We will put in the blog all the videos and articles that gave your father and me knowledge, inspiration, and laughs as you grow up (because even if the internet is forever, websites can shut down).

Dear Mummy and Daddy
Please keep this letter from me in a place where you can read it and re-read it when things are rough and you are feeling down.

Please don’t expect too much from me as a new born baby, or too much from yourselves as parents. Give us both six weeks as a birthday present, six weeks for me to grow, develop, mature, and become more stable and predictable – six weeks for you to rest and relax and allow your body to get back to normal.

Please feed me when I am hungry, I never knew hunger in your womb and clocks and time mean little to me.

Please hold, cuddle, kiss, touch, stroke and croon to me. I was always held closely in your womb and have never been alone before.

Please forgive me if I cry a lot. I am not a tyrant who was sent to make your life miserable, the only way I can tell you I am not happy is with my cry, bear with me and in a short time, as I mature, I will spend less time crying and more time socializing.

Please take the time to find out who I am, how I differ from you and how much I can bring to you. Watch me carefully and I’ll tell you things which sooth, console and please me.

Please remember that I am resilient and can withstand the many natural mistakes you’ll make with me. As long as you make them with love, I cannot be harmed.

Please don’t be disappointed when I am not the perfect baby you expected nor be disappointed with yourselves when you are not the perfect parents.

Please take care of yourself; eat a balanced diet, rest, and exercise so that when we are together, you have the patience and energy to take care of me. The cure for a fussy baby is more rest for Mum.

Please take care of your relationship with each other. What good is family bonding if there is no family left for me to bond with.

Keep the “big picture” in mind. I’ll be like this for a very short time, though it seems like forever to you now. Although I may have turned your life upside down, please remind yourselves that things will be back to normal before long.

Enjoy me – I’ll never be this little again!

We love you so much, anak. It still amazes us how someone so tiny can take up so much space in our home (and in our hearts). <3

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

Back in December 2017, I wrote back-to-back posts about the breastfeeding drama (it was more of a breakdown, really) we had at NICU a few days after you were born. You can read it here, here, and here. Then I wondered, why are there no support groups for new mothers who give both breastmilk and formula milk. Later on, I found out why (sheesh).

I pitched my blog posts to Smart Parenting and they asked if they can feature my posts on their website and we agreed. I took screenshots of the article posted on Smart Parenting so we can show them to you when you grow up. It's funny how your parents are always on Cosmo.ph (you can read the feature here, here, here, and here) and now, here's your debut with Smart Parenting. Baka kapag teenager ka na sa Candy Cuties ka naman, haha.

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

Before you were born, your father and I loved watching Adam Ruins Everything videos on YouTube. We still watch them from time to time. This one is a gem.

THIS IS SO TRUE! Time goes WAY too fast!!

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

Author Unknown

Dear Peanut,

Happy 5-months to you and congratulations on having your first bukol.

Earlier today, we put you inside the laundry basket (I padded it with a throw pillow and a clean blanket, #DontMe #NoToMommyShaming) and you see seemed to like your new “crib.”

Pink Laundry, pakilaban nga itong bata na to, ang dungis eh.

But when AteL picked you up, you head-banged her and tumama yung ngipin nya sa noo mo. Boom, bukol (small lang). We put ice on it para naman lumamig ulo mo. Lagi ka nalang galit!

So you celebrated your 5-month birthday today but last Saturday (Black Saturday - I found a photo of your father, but that's for another entry), we went to this pizza place that serves brick oven pizza. Only the three of us went to the birthday dinner this time because of your AuntieAnne’s chickenpox thing (pagaling na but better be safe than sorry).

Instant celebrity ka sa pizza place. It’s as if the servers haven’t seen a baby before, haha. You didn’t kick up a fuss and sat on your stroller, sniff-eating your blanky while your father and I stuffed our faces with salad, pizza, espresso, and red wine.

A slice of motherhood. A toast to motherhood.

After that, we walked the length of East Capitol Drive in Kapitolyo looking for a dessert place. We ended up in Cab Café and had sans rival al fresco.

We stayed a home during the long weekend and amazingly, you were so nice and calm. AteL said she told you not to be so fussy while she’s in the province. Good thing you listened.

We also dipped your feet in the swimming pool for the first time! :D

During the long weekend, we also took you to the playground for the first time. Nag-enjoy ako sa seesaw and swing!

Achievement: You’re still dark. And fat. I say it all with love.

AteL's gift to you is my favorite yema cake from Batangas and two bottles supply of raw honey! P.S. We ate your cake.

xoxo

Dear Peanut,

Before we gave birth to you, one of the topmost important things on our list was to have a meeting de avance with your grandparents.

We know, for a fact, that they would help your shit-scared, first-time parents. But we also know that they have a tendency to go beyond boundaries and could insist that we do some of their tried-and-tested motherly ways. Your LoloDaddy rarely tells me what to do but would tell stories of how they did it back in the day.

After all, parents, especially mothers know best. But your mother (right now) is a shit-scared, paranoid, ticking time bomb that stares at you while you sleep because she needs to know that you’re breathing well.

Sometimes, I wonder when the “knows best” phase will start, because today, at 5 months post-partum, I have so much to learn. But I also know now why they say mothers know best. Because we have to learn everything and we have to learn them fast.

But no matter how many books you read, how many prenatal and baby care 101 classes you attend, and how many podcasts you listen to about this motherhood thing, it still feels like I was thrown into the ring without much preparation. I mean, I read the books, attended the seminars, watched the videos but when your umbilical stump was prematurely removed, I freaked out.

When you had that physiological jaundice, I freaked out. (Note: I freaked out everyone, including the doctors and nurses at TMC).

When you had milia on your ears, neck, chest, and back, I freaked out.

When you had rashes and atopic eczema, I freaked out.

When you didn’t poop for 2 whole days, I freaked out.

When you wouldn’t latch and I can’t produce enough milk, I broke down.

And you know what, all these are normal, goddamnit. You get the picture, I freak out a lot and I wonder how you’ll react someday. Probably like father. Pag-untugin ko kayo eh.

Every time something freaks me out, I Google. I Google the shit out of things that Dra.JMD scolded me for all the unnecessary stress I give myself. What a time to be alive, right? Everything’s on the internet. But the best thing is to always consult your doctors for professional advice, so we don’t do anything or give you anything without the doctor’s go signal.

Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you is that I read a lot, that’s what writers do. And I read that aside from preparing myself and your dad for your arrival, we should prepare the household for some ground rules too.

Before we gave birth, we humbly told our parents that our rules apply. They’re welcome to suggest but it’s still our decision in the end for important stuff like circumcision, bathing rituals, feeding, etc. That’s why whenever they tell us to let you sleep with us on the big bed, we politely decline because doctors would tell you it’s more dangerous.

Sleep Training

During your first few weeks at home, we let you sleep with us in your portabed, which has padded barriers. We also swaddled you a lot, to which, sometimes, your grandparents (except for your LoloDaddy) would say kawawa ka naman kasi naiipit ka.

But that’s what babies look for, the feeling of being back inside the womb, cocooned. We explained but of course, during their time, it’s not the way they do things. I guess they swaddle babies too back then but it’s not yet as scientific and modernized (with all the tricks on how to swaddle well) as today.

Sometimes, your grandparents would also freak out because we put you in your crib wide awake. One time, you were fake-crying and your LolaMommy said, “Umiiyak, hindi mo ba kukunin?” To which I replied, “No, fake cry yan. Don’t look at him. Don't make eye contact.”

Na-iskandalo ko yata lola mo but she knows our rules apply. It’s part of our sleep training. The reason we don’t make eye contact is that you should know that when we put you on your back in your crib, it’s time to sleep. Natatawa kami minsan because we think your grandparents think that we are ignoring you, hahaha.

We started sleep training you starting Month 2 and here’s who we did it:

At 10:00 PM (after watching The Good Son on ABS-CBN, which you seem to like), we would give you a warm sponge bath.
Then we would give you a baby massage. Tummy time follows right after and some Mommy-Daddy-Baby snuggle, harutan time. This is our way na pagurin ka so you will feel sleepy already.
After kulitan, we would give you a bottle (30ml more than your usual order) and will feed you with the lights dimmed and the air conditioner turned on.
While waiting for you to burp, your daddy would make you listen to lullaby versions of famous rock and roll songs from the 80s and 90s.
Then we would put you on your back in your crib while you’re still drowsy.

At first, there were a lot of trial and errors. We’ve developed several dance moves and swing tricks, like the Pendulum, wherein your father would rock you to sleep like a clock’s pendulum, to help you sleep.

We call this "The Unicorn" and we only do this at night.
This helps you not to kick up a fuss during nighttime feedings. It works!

But since month 4, we can already put you in your crib wide awake after burping, then you would play a bit with Pensar or sniff-eat your blanky with a few drops of Laway Eau de Lungad) and after a 10 minutes, we would find you sleeping peacefully, even if the TV’s still on.

This allows us to have the big bed all to ourselves. Sometimes, while you’re busy piñata-banging Pensar, I would play games on my smartphone from afar. And any mother would tell you that while it’s wonderful to carry your child close to your chest, it’s not fun to do it 24/7. Mommies need their rest too.

There are many things we’re glad we tried that worked, like not buying expensive baby clothes (that’s for another entry). But the best of all would be sleep training! It allows us to get some sleep too. Sleep deprivation sucks, but thanks to the success of the mild cries sleep training, we’re not zombies anymore. This also allows you to enjoy our company more. <3

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

So it's already May and you just celebrated the start of your 6th month a few days ago. You and daddy are already sleeping and mommy is writing. I thought I'd thought I'd backtrack and tell you about your baby shower last September 16, 2017.

Initially, we wanted an R-18 "sausage" party with explicit content, haha. But since we have friends who already have kids, we couldn't get away with it. So we had a slightly R-18 "sausage party." We've decided to hold it at one KTV lounge here at the condo where we live for easier access. After so many back and forth discussions with your grandparents, we ordered some party food from one of your LolaMommy and LoloDaddy's friends.

Balls. Many, many balls.

Can you see what we did here? Hehe.

We requested your NinangC and NinangP to host the games. They came up with two of the most popular baby shower games like the one below. They filled baby bottles with soda and the fastest who can finish wins the game.

Chug, chug, chug

We also had this drawing game where the participants had to draw on top of their heads what they think you would look like. Some of our friends drew a baby with an afro. Some drew what looked like a fish. It was a bit confusing but it was fun to hear our family and friends explain what the hell they were thinking.

That's your NinongB having a hard time drawing how he thought you'd look like.

We also asked everyone to give us some advice on how to prepare for your arrival. Many told us to get some sleep now, because it would be 5 to 6 months before we can get some good sleep (and fuck, they were right). They also told us not to buy too many newborn clothes because you'll outgrow them fast (and they were right on this too). Glad we listened well.

Oh, and we also officially launched this blog. We gave them the URL and they read the first few entries we published. We read two entries out loud: the first one was your daddy's "Pesky's Revenge"and I read the one titled "The First Time We Found Out About You."

We also gave panutsa (peanut brittle dessert) as event tokens. And some #DearPeanut memo pads that I designed and your grandparents printed.

All in all, it was fun. But we thought it was too quick. We had the place reserved for us for 3 hours only. When the program ended, people wanted to stay and chat. We had to politely tell them that we had to leave because the place was reserved the following hours, we couldn't extend.

I think, next time, we'd get the place for 6 hours or more. Or we'd just have a baby shower at a bar. After all, that's possible. :)

And of course, we had peanuts for pica-pica.

Here are some of the collaterals we designed for the event:

Guest Frame

E-invite/ Reminder

Here are some of the teasers we posted online for the #DearPeanut Blog Launch.

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

So last April 18, 2018, we had you baptized and we had a barbecue feast at Mighty Quinn's (more on that on a separate post). Right now, I want to share with you some of the notes our guests left for you. Here they are below, read them when you learn your ABC's.

Dear Peanut, may the Lord bless you, always! We love you!
~Tito VJ, Ninang Anne, and Ate Vianne.

Welcome to Christianity! You look like your Lolo Bisaya.
~Lola Tessie

Hey cutie! Enjoy being a baby LOLZ! I'm sure you will grow up a rockstar 'cause your parents are. :)
~Ninang Cor

Welcome to the Christian World! Excited ako to teach you how to draw, paint and dance! Takbo-takbo ka na sa studio! :)
~Ninang Anne

Welcome to the Christian world. May your light shine for others to follow.
~Lola Beth

May you be a good follower of God always.
~Lola Editha

Dear Peanut, Welcome to the "Christian World."
~Lola Fe

Dear Peanut, I look forward to the day when I can teach you to love sports. But for now, I pray that you grow to be a smart, strong, and awesome human being!
~Ninang Paula

May you be a good Christian.
~Lola Erlinda

Hi Baby Johnny! Happy christening. We love you so much!
~Tita Maricel

Welcome to the Christian World!
~Love, Auntie Mai

Dear Johnny Peanut, welcome to the Christian world! Your tita Sarie and Ninong Paolo look forward to teach you new things as you grow up.
~Ninong Pao & Tita Sarie

Mas madali mag-ayos ng eroplano kaysa sa pag-ibig.
~Ninong Mark

Hi Baby Peanut! I hope you grow up to be a good person. Always listen to your parents. They know that is good for you most of the time. We, your ninong and NinangCJ are also here for you. God bless!
~Ninong Sunny and Ninang CJ

To Johnny, don't be mischievous and behave always.
~Tito Fer

To you baby Peanut, wishing you a good boy to your mom and dad. Sana paglaki mo maging mabait atmaging magalang.
~Lola Fe

Dear Baby Peanut, Welcome to the Christian World."
~Lola Zeny

Welcome to Christan World. May your light shine for others to follow.
~Lola Babes

Be good always to mama and dad.
~Lola Nila

Hey Peanut! There are so many things I'm excited to share with you. Looking forward to see you grow into a fine man. Ninang Scarlett loves you!
~Ninang Justine

Happy christening!
~Love, Grandpa Ben

Hi Peanut, welcome Christian ka na. Sana maging mabait kang bata. An gwapo mo.
~Lola Luming

Sana hindi ka mapipikon sa akin in the future kasi parati kitang ibubully (ibe-baby) hahaha.
~Tito Patrick

Dear Peanut, remember:
1. DOn't drink until you're 13 or until your dar/mom gives you some.
2. No girlfriend until college.
3. Ask your dad for advice but verify with your mom.
~Cheers, Ninong Bam

Dear Baby Peanut, eat your veggies, be active and have fun! When you get a bit older, that is.
~Ninong Wayne

Hello, baby peanut, please grow up fast, hehe. Take care always God bless. I love you, Mwah!
~Tita Kristine Anne

I love you!
~LoloDaddy Homer

Baby Johnny I hope you grow as awesome as your parents!
~Tito Ricci

Dear Peanut, always be a good boy to your mom and dad. PLease stay a God-feearing and loving boy.
~Tita Apple

To Peanut, happy christening!
~Tita Nene (Emelita)

There will always be bad times and yet you find something good in it. I will always be your kuya.
~Kuya Ziggy

God bless Bui! We love you!
~Kuya Kaloy

Dear Peanut, always listen to your mom and dad.
~Love, Tita Lan

ALways listen to your parent. Always be a good boy and always be pogi.
~Tito AJ

I love you.
~LolaMommy Sol

Welcome to the Christian World!
~Love, Auntie Marconi

Hello Peanut! Happy baptism. God bless and be a good boy always! Obey daddy and mommy, okay? Love you!
~Tita Dortz, Ezzy and Zachy

Dear Peanut, welcome to the Christian world! Be the best that you can be, we will always be here to guide you. P.S. Don't be like your daddy Jet. Be smart like your Mom! Or be both.
~Ninong Sidney

Dear Peanut, listen to your parents. Learn from them and grow wiser.
~Tita Czarina

Hi Peanut, Welcome to the Christian World. Always follow your parents' advice so you won't go ashtray.
~Ninong Zuki

Happy baptism Johnny James. God bless you, thank you
~Ate Precious

Johnny James, welcome to the world of joy and happiness.
~Lolo Henry

Happy Christening!
~Love, Grandma Floring

Dear Johnny, when you grow up, I'll teach you how to pray and drink two of the best drinks: Johnnie Walker Black Lable and Jameson Irish Whiskey. Pwede rin kita tulungan mag-pari, hehe.
~Tito Earl

Hello Johnny! Welcome to the Christian World. You're lucky to have cool parents. :) Hope to see you often.
~Tita Athena

Welcome to the Christian World, Baby Peanut! We love you.
~Tita Aloha

Dear Johnny, when you grow up, I hope you could learn something really useful that you could also help mom and dad when they grow old.
~Tito Nikki

We kept the handwritten notes. You'll see them someday in the box of memories we're keeping for you. We are planning to give them to you when you turn 18 years old.

Love,

Dear Peanut,

Two days before your baptism, your Daddy and I were in disagreement about something. Actually, we’re not the ones fighting. I was in disagreement with somebody else. The issue stems a long way back. I’m going to spare you the details. Long story, short, I thought the issue had already been solved but it turned out that someone brought reinforcements—dragged new people to the issue.

I had been experiencing some pre-event jitters (being the OC person that I am, overseeing even the tiniest details like the fonts I used in your event collaterals). I woke up to a call that made my blood boil even more.

Your LolaMommy and LoloDaddy just came back from Palawan and someone caused them unnecessary stress and I hated that part a lot.

It’s about a request that we can’t accommodate. Actually, one person made the same request before but we explained and they understood and respected my/our point. But when this other person made the request, it was all dramatics to the point that she said she will go but “masama daw ang loob nya.”

Nagpantig ang mga tenga ko. I’ve had it with this issue that I snapped the final straw.

At this point, I couldn’t sugarcoat my words anymore: Don’t go to my event if napipilitan ka lang. Walang pumipilit sa'yo. I was so angry because this person made me look so bad in front of my own parents.

So the whole day, your poor Daddy had to calm me down because I had been feeling some chest pains. But he’s also pissed at me because I stuck to my first decision. It’s about principles I value. I was so angry the whole day!

So that night, I was cooking our dinner while AteL was washing your bottles. You were on your tumba-tumba, fake-crying (calling us) and watching TV, and kicking your feet when the whole world turned into slow-mo.

I saw the exact moment you kicked your legs so hard and the rocking chair flipped back and you hit your head on our tiled floors. The butter container I was holding flew out of my hands when I jumped the short distance from the galley kitchen to the living room but I was too late to catch you.

I saw your face turn red and turn even redder because you cried harder and louder and I screamed and screamed that AteL had to hug me because I didn’t realize I was already shaking.

There’s a small reddish patch on your head but no blood and we taught if we should bring you to the hospital. You were alert and sobbing but didn’t seem to be in pain but we decided to still go the ER to have you checked out.

I called your Daddy and told him what happened and we decided to meet at the ER (he would be coming from the office). AteL carried you while I rushed around the house like a headless chicken fixing your baby bag, grabbing your files, and making sure the electric stove was off before we left.

We arrived at the ER 15 minutes later. I signed some forms for the HMO while AteL and the nurses had you checked for weight and evaluation. Your daddy arrived and I could see the concern on his face.

The doctors arrived and they checked you and said it’s a slight bump, but nothing else seems wrong. But they gave us a checklist with signs to watch out for, particularly projectile vomiting. We stayed there for nearly an hour because of the hospital protocol—I think 10 med students approached us to ask the same questions like what happened, how it happened, family history, your birthing story, etc.

You were so noisy the whole time, noisy in the sense that you were so sociable, giggling at the doctors who checked on you and doing that cutiepie thing that had the nurses go ga-ga again.

Then your grandparents arrived and they drove us back to the condo and gave us pasalubong from Palawan. Your Daddy and I got one souvenir shirt each. They gave you three, haha.

After I called your Daddy (before going to the ER), I thought of calling your LolaMommy and LoloDaddy because they're on their way to the condo anyway. I wanted to ask for help. But I knew that they would worry all the more so I thought I would just call them when things have settled down.

When I wasn't answering my phone (I was talking to the doctors), LolaMommy called your Daddy and he explained. I didn't want them to worry while driving. I want to be the kind of mother who takes charge, like how your LolaMommy is. She's like mayora, barangay captain, DSWD chairperson, doctor, the Tulfo brothers, Joe D'Mango, Boy Abunda, and Kris Aquino rolled into one.

---

When your Daddy arrived, we had a brief moment when we stared at each other for a few seconds and then all the anger I had been feeling the whole day just left my body. Like it had all been lifted off of me. Like someone opened a box that is my head and my heart and just switched the off button. Like how you would switch off a microwave. It’s not that I wasn’t angry anymore. I just don’t care anymore.

It seemed to me that you noticed how angry I was the whole day. You had been extra fussy the whole day too, restless. It seemed to me that you had to call me out and yell for my attention. When you felt that your cries weren’t enough to get me to stop being an "angry mommy", you had to sacrifice your safety to snap me out of the anger pit I had been digging the whole day.

And it worked. But my dear love, please don’t do that again. Do not sacrifice your safety just to snap me out of my reverie. I promise you I won’t do that again.

That is why I don’t care anymore. I just don’t care about these issues anymore. But I still live by this rule: my child, my home, my rules, my decisions. I am the mother. My word is the law. Whoever goes against me (except for my husband, we are always a united front) will be banned from the #HouseOfDerla and our lives. Whoever’s reading this, it’s not that I am not open to criticism or suggestions. This is about ignoring people who don’t respect our decisions and would use dramatics just to prove how influential she is. Go away.

From that point forward, I don’t care how many people I unfriend on Facebook and ban from my life if it means I get the peace of mind that I need. Being a new mother is terrifying and all the noise and unnecessary drama from other people can really mess with your physical and emotional health. And if I put other people’s feelings first before my own physical, mental, and emotional health, I would get sick. At this point in my life, if I don’t like you, stay away.

I know it’s cryptic and I won’t tell you the details, ever. Only a few close people know about this issue that I really don’t want to share but I think I should because it’s a motherly milestone I want to remember.

I want to remember that exact moment I started not caring about small things and started focusing on who really matters.

I’ve read somewhere that the best gifts you can give to your child are your sanity, health, and happiness. Me not caring anymore about small things has given me more room to bask in all the wonderful milestones and moments that we share with you.

Your mother loves you fiercely.

P.S. That was your first ER trip and I pray that we don’t have ER trips anymore. But being the project manager that I am, our ER protocols (risk management) worked. Thank God it was only a slight bump that healed quickly and you're very sociable during your baptism and party.

Love,

Dear Peanut,

So today is my very first Mother's Day celebration. Just for reference and a little backstory: Last year, in 2017, we also celebrated Mother's Day in Kuala Lumpur. It was, technically, my first MD celebration even though you were still in your "alien-looking" phase.

I didn't look pregnant yet but I dragged your father to Midvalley Megamall (one of the biggest in Kuala Lumpur and dressed the part. I even brought along my ultrasound prints to prove that I was already pregnant with you. We wanted to take advantage of the Mother's Day promos at the malls. We were so excited.

But we were so disappointed to see the malls HAD NOTHING for mother's day! No bazaars, no mall shows, no discounts, not even a single restaurant promo the special day. I was so disheartened with the meal too. We waited so long for service that I felt my claws and horns coming out. We ate at this shrimp-and-fish place, I already forgot the name because the food was also forgettable.

That made me miss the Philippines more.

So this year, we decided to celebrate Mother's Day a day earlier because your LoloDaddy and LolaMommy will be traveling to Villa Escudero with their friends on Sunday. We also chose a quieter mall so we don't have to deal with the horrible mall crowd.

But before that, we spent the early afternoon driving around Marikina City proper to campaign for our relative, Ogie Salvador, with you in tow! Happy to see my NinangDD and cousin AteRC and the kiddos again after a long time. Happier to introduce you in person too. We also dropped by TitaL's house but couldn't get out of the car because of the sudden downpour.

Family selfie at the coffee shop.

We had pre-dinner coffee and pandesal at CBTL. Pinilahan namin si Uncle soon-to-be DOC para sa libreng check-up and we exchanged gifts. For my first Mother's Day gift, my parents gave me longganisa and ham de cebu wrapped in craft paper and plastic. Praktikal na daw ngayo. Dapat nga daw bigas ang bibigay sa akin eh, haha. Comedy, yes, but it's very thoughtful because they know how much I love sausages (pun intended).

Praktikal na dapat ngayon, pagkain ang iregalo.

I've never felt so "nanay" on Mother's Day, hahaha.

Now, for our Mother's Day gift, we gave your grandparents -- LoloDaddy, LolaMommy, and LolaMama -- one of your artworks each. For the past few days, we've been scribbling on watercolor paper. I turned your very first artwork into a greeting card and gave it to my mother as part of my gift to her.

We also gave your LolaMommy a copy of Kevin Kwan's Rich People Problems.
I read to you some pages from the book when you were 4 months old.

Your NinangAnne and AntieD gave me this white carnation for Mother's Day. :)

It took us a while to decide on where to have dinner. Looking back, we should have gone for that Japanese dinner buffet because the food at Hukab is mediocre price-wise. Except for the kare-kare, it was especially good.

Remember that you come from a family of artists. That's the painting of your UncleP below. He gave it to LolaMommy as Mother's Day gift.

We didn't eat at McDonald's that day so I don't know who nuked this balloon, probably your LolaMommy. AteL told me to take a photo because the caption is cool. :)

This is a funny photo I want to showcase here. I think your LoloDaddy forgot to put on deodorant because, look at your face, hahaha.

Lately, you've been making this face a lot. You're also making kissing sounds. I think you're trying to mimic the sounds of how I kiss you.

And of course, early this morning (on the actual day of Mother's Day here in the Philippines), your father brought you to me on the bed because you had poop. Then you and your Daddy sang Panalangin by Moonstar88 (version) for me. Mali-mali pa yung lyrics, tell your Daddy to practice more.

And while I was cleaning my desk this morning, I found this on top of my laptop. I felt teary-eyed because, even if I knew that your Daddy did 99.9 percent of the work, it's the very first mother's day gift I received. We just started new traditions in the #HouseOfDerla.

Thank you, darlings!

My very first Mother's Day card!

XOXO,

Dear Peanut,

I started this Mother's Day tradition back in 2015. I told myself that wherever I am on this special day, I would post the photo below:

That's your one-year-old, half-naked mother with your 23 or 24-year-old LolaMommy. Gulat ka no? Parang young Sharon Cuneta lang, LOL.

In 2015, I was in Manila when I posted this, preparing to leave for Kuala Lumpur. It was the time when I gave up my career as a communications specialist for one of the biggest companies in the world to follow your Daddy abroad. I don't believe in long distance relationships and I put my family first. I have always been career-obsessed so it took me a long time to deal with that big decision.

In 2016, I was in Tokyo, Japan when I posted this from our hotel, preparing to fly back to Kuala Lumpur (where we lived for a few years). We had our long-overdue honeymoon in Tokyo, three years after our civil wedding and two years after our church wedding. We spent one week in Tokyo during the Golden Week (long weekend because of back-to-back holidays, everyone was out of town) and had fun stuffing ourselves with authentic sushi, ramen, and Yoshinoya, haha.

In 2017, I was in Petaling Jaya, Kuala Lumpur, in our rental condo. I posted it after running errands. If I'm not mistaken, your father and I were preparing for our trips to Phuket, Thailand and Penang, Malaysia prior to our move back to Manila, PH. It was also the time when I got disappointment because Mother's Day in Malaysia is boring as fuck. You can read it here.

This 2018, I posted this photo in the Philippines, with Metro Channel in the background and you screaming like a banshee on your tumba-tumba beside me. We have a screaming banshee for a son! Sometimes, you'd scream because...wala lang.

But this year is extra special because it's my first Mother's Day with you outside my tummy. Last year, I felt your kicks too. This time, I can also feel your wails, slaps, kicks, and headbangs. I think part of being a mother is being slapped by a really happy and excited kid every single day. Nice!

This year, I also started a new Mother's Day tradition for your LolaMommy. I would post the same photo with an accompanying photo. We tried to recreate it but clearly, I'm not as photogenic as your LolaMommy and you're not as well-behaved as I was when the photos were taken. Well, at least the smiley emojis were identical.

Next year, we'll try again and I'll rock the same daster and maybe a few more props, like the electric fan to the side, a houseplant, and an abstract painting. Actually, the daster is our gift to your LolaMommy back in 2015. We bought it at a stall in Central Market in Malaysia. She loaned it to me when I was pregnant with you. I haven't returned it yet, haha.

I wanted to give your LolaMommy the best Hallmark card, ever. But I couldn't find one that fits. So I turned your first artwork (below) into a card and wrote a letter to mom. I told her that I understand it all now—the sacrifices, the fears, the joys, the happiness, the tears, the pride...

Your LolaMommy and I have had a lot of disagreements and fights in the past. I remember she once told me, while we were preparing to go sight-seeing in Singapore, "Sabi nga nila, you will only realize that your mother is right when you already have a daughter who thinks you're wrong."

Well, I'm glad that I realized it earlier. I know that I have a lot more to face and experience as a mother but I pray that your LolaMommy and LoloDaddy will always be there to support and guide me and your Daddy.

Being new parents is terrifying. OMG, before I thought babies are born with great skin, like those in diaper commercials. Putragis, babies go through a phase of varying skin conditions like milia and diaper rash and I swear each new bump on the skin or red spot is enough to make parents frantically call their pedia or rush to the ER and basically go nuts.

Your first artwork as a gift to LolaMommy. :)

I'm sure your LolaMommy and I will still have some disagreements in the future but we are in the phase of our lives when we understand each other a lot better. I finally know where she's coming from and she finally (I think) accepts that I can never be the "nice" daughter. That's your NinangAnnE, she's the mabait daughter and I'm the maldita one. But I told them that I will always be their fiercest protector from gossip-hungry, good-for-nothing, puro crab mentality, nilalamon ng inggit, at plastik na relatives.

I used to keep a burn book with the names of relatives I want to punch in the face. But you know what, it's easier to just erase them in our lives. I literally deleted them on Facebook because at this point in my life, if I don't like you, bye.

Being a mother does that a person, I guess. I need to make more space and more time to cultivate the relationships I want to build. Also, I want to focus on the things and people who matter. O diba, jinustify ko pa ang pagiging maldita ko, joke lang. Maybe one day, you'll also understand me.

That's it for now. Ang dami ko na naman sinabi.
I love you! :D

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

As you know, your Daddy and I started this long-running project of weird and unconventional themed parties. Backstory, we chose to have our church wedding reception at a bar/pub. In the Philippines, weddings are a big deal and people spend hundreds of thousands of pesos just to impress relatives they don't like. I don't know. That just doesn't fly with me.

Anyway, the keyword here is "unconventional." Maybe it's my background in marketing and events management but I do love coming up with not-so-traditional parties. I don't know how quite to explain it.

To keep up with the theme of unconventional parties, your Daddy and I searched for weeks for possible reception venues. We asked for proposals from several restaurants, hotels, and event spaces but as fate would have it, we arrived at a mighty decision.

The first thing that came to our mind was it would have been another top venue for our church wedding reception back in 2014. I loved the typography and the vibe of the restaurant. In fact, we've seen this tall, debonair guy at Mighty Quinn's several times whenever we pass by the restaurant in SM Megamall but we never had the chance to dine in because we're almost always rushing.

So one night, before we went to the supermarket, we indulged in small talk with the guy named Mon and inquired about hosting an event there. He set us a meeting with the Chef Rhea and we immediately scheduled a taste test.

At first, we didn't know how to come up with the set menu for 90 guests. We liked how Chef Rhea came up with a neat suggestion. But we wanted everything, haha. In fact, it took us two taste tests before we were able to finalize the menu and how we would go about the order system for our guests. Instead of a buffet or family-style set-up, we opted for an ala carte, on-the-spot ordering system so that guests can enjoy the meat selections hot and fresh from the oven.

We had personalized placemats for your event. We gave our guests the option to choose their meal between TEAM JET, TEAM KATH, and TEAM PEANUT.

We brought the family to the second taste test to get their inputs (when we celebrated your 5-month birthday there). We then designed the collaterals and two days before our event, I carried 3 boxes filled with giveaways, placemats, order forms, and more so we don't have to haul them on the day of our event. The MQ team was very efficient in handling our requests.

I'd like to share with you the rave review I sent to the company after we partied at MQ to celebrate your baptism day.

---

The food was great, the service was exceptional, and the ambiance was perfect.

What we enjoyed most was the slight shock on our guests’ faces when they saw how big the servings were! Our guests even had food for takeout, and this rarely happens in baptism receptions. We set the bar high! We saw them devouring the ribs, brisket, pulled pork, and barbecue chicken and enjoying the selection of sauces on the table. The presentation was quite impressive too!

MQ calls it 2x2. This is what served for "TEAM JET" during #JohnnyBeGood, our party title.

TEAM JET: Spare ribs, chicken, rice, and corn fritters.

TEAM PEANUT: Pulled pork burger with chips.

TEAM KATH: Brisket rice bowl with fried egg and green beans.

But what we appreciate the most was the level of professionalism the MQ team showed to our family. The team was able to address all our concerns and handle all our requests. What’s really surprising was that even before we think we needed something, they already had it under control or had it with them. With my background in events management and marketing, I’m used to handling the back-end work for concerts, beauty pageants, and corporate events, so I can very much say that the MQ Team’s work ethics and professionalism are exceptional.

Here we are with the mighty team of Mighty Quinn's PH.

I would like to give special mention to Mon, Rhea, and EF. Honestly, when we met Mon for the first time, we felt so much at ease with the place. Then we met Chef Rhea and EF and felt even more confident that MQ can help us make our event successful, and they did. Here are the names of the other team members who helped us during your event: Daryl, Jazz, Albert, Engelbert, Rose, Emz, Dadz, April, Jaimie, Philip, Patrick, Onyok, Arjay, Russel, Richard, Mon, Felix, Khim, and Gelo.

When we first met Mon from MQ, we immediately felt how he resembles our NinongRamon. They have the same aura and the same good looks, naks! Here are the two Mons, photo was taken during #JohnnyBeGood.

Look at your daddy's face in the photo above. That's how much he enjoyed stuffing his face with barbecue, haha.

So there you go, we hope you enjoy reading this and crave from barbecue when you're old enough to eat some. Mwah!

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

After much preparation, we finally had you baptized last April 28, 2018 at St. Francis Church in Mandaluyong. No doubt about it, we've always wanted to have you baptized there, also called Lourdes Church, because of your Daddy's alma mater - Lourdes School of Mandaluyong.

Here we are, a few weeks before the actual baptism day. We finished submitting all the requirements, but that's for another blog entry.

Anak ka ng Lourdes. When we first brought you there, you and your father walked ahead and I heard him asking, "Gusto mo dito mag-school?" I didn't hear what he said afterward but it was probably, "Mahal na tuition dito, home school tayo." Hahaha.

So April 28th finally arrived and we all prepared to go to church. Nagpanic kami a few days before kasi dapat daw all-white ang suot ng baby. Your Daddy already bought a 1920s-inspired i-don't-know-what-to-call-it outfit but it had gray and black patterns.

Buti nalang may regalo sayo si LolaLuming na plain white shirt at shorts. But we didn't want to buy new pairs of white socks anymore because they're so expensive we just need them for 2 hours anyway. So we recycled your newborn socks instead, hehe.

Yes, nagtipid kami sa aspeto na yan. The newborn socks didn't quite fit anymore. You kept tugging at it and it kept flying off your feet so we had to pick it up from the floor a couple of times.

It was a pretty straightforward and since we attended your cousin Z's baptism 3 months ago, we already knew what to expect. There was a short seminar before the actual baptism rite. Technically, walang misa pero like your LoloDaddy, natulog ka during parts of it, hahaha.

Here we are with some of your mighty godparents!

I double checked if there's a dress code for the parents but I found none so I went for a bright red, lace dress, and suede boots. I told myself that I would still be "me." Also, para kitang kita ako sa crowd, haha.

I thought my mother-of-the-baby ensemble was complete. Hindi pa pala! Kulang ng pamaypay! Buti nalang pinahiram / binigyan ako ng NinangAnnESP mo! Finally, my CRAZY ~~RICH~~ ASIAN outfit is complete. Poof! I became Eleanor Young!

Ang init sa church at irritated ka na siguro kasi nap time mo dapat yun. They say it takes a village to raise a child...well, it took an army of our family members, friends, and relatives to calm you down. Kapag di ka kailangan dun sa gitna, dinadala ka ng mga ninong mo sa tapat ng industrial fan.

Finally, here we are. The one above is the token "baptism" photo. In our generation, ito yung pini-print ng A4 size tapos pinapa-frame tapos naka-display sa taas ng piano or sa antique table sa sala. Ito din yung minsan hinihingi sa school for Christian Living projects. Ididikit mo sya sa bond paper tapos lalagyan mo ng caption: MY BAPTISM.

The key things you need to remember about this photo are:

1. Ang pogi ng daddy mo pero basang-basa kili-kili nyan sa photo kasi ang init-init sa church tapos walang aircon.

2. Naka bright red, lace dress, at suede boots ang nanay mo nung binyag mo. Sya ang pinakamakulay na nanay dun sa church. Kitang kita from far, far away.

3. Puro libag yung leeg mo sa photo na yan. Sa lahat ng mga bininyagan that day, ikaw ang pinaka maitim, pinaka mataba, pinaka maingay, at pinaka sociable sa lahat! And we say that with love.

Here we are with the Eustaquios.

With your proud LolaMommy and LoloDaddy.

With the "big" Eustaquio kids.

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

Earlier today, your NinangJap asked me for some pep talk about motherhood.

Okay, first, we’ll start calling her this because she said so herself. The word ‘Jap’ actually is an inside joke about the ‘Japayuki’ thing. It became a source of amusement for your Ninang and me because I used to tell her stories about some of my relatives—whom I’ve graciously removed from my life—who prefer that some truths about their ‘former lives’ in Japan stay hidden, like the Yamashita Treasure.

FYI, you NinangJap is not our blood relative so she’s no the Japayuki I’m referring to in the intro above. I was referring to my ungrateful (ingrate) tita and in-denial-pa-din cousin who worked as entertainers in Japan during the late 80s, 90s, and early 2000s.

Okay, back to the pep talk. The request came at the perfect time because, at the half-a-year mark, there are a lot of realizations and milestones. So, what advice/learnings do I want to share? I’ll try to post these in batches because, boy, ang dami.

REALIZATION #1: The perfect time to have children is when you are financially capable.

Okay, that’s harsh but here’s the truth: The best time to have children is when you are financially ready.

I grew up hearing that the perfect time to have children is between the ages 24 and 27—not too young, and not too, err, ripe. So you can just imagine the panic of many women my age who were still single and without children when we celebrated our 27th birthday. I didn’t panic, well, not so much. If I did panic, that was probably stemming from the financial aspect of things—and not because I’m running out of fresh eggs.

Before you even decide to marry and/or have children, you really have to get your ducks in a row. But that doesn’t always mean you have to get your life in perfect order because you can’t. Order is an illusion, I think. There’s beauty in chaos. I mean, today, at 32 years old, I’m still whipping my ducks into a row—they like to venture out of formation but I make sure that each duck is nestling a golden egg. It means even though my ducks are all over the place, I make sure they make money for me, even passively.

Because the reality is that you can read all the books, attend all the classes, talk to all the pros, Lamaze the shit out of everything pregnancy-related, and worship all the successful exclusively breastfeeding moms out there and still, what you really need the moment you conceive is money. As cold as it may sound, you really need cold, hard cash.

If you don’t have money, how can you go to your prenatal checkups? How can you pay for all those expensive tests they ask you to make during the vital first trimester? How do you pay for all the vitamins you need, the books you want to read, the products you’ve been duped to buy, and prenatal exercises classes that you want to try?

During our first trimester, your Daddy’s HMO is quite limited so we chose to find a private hospital near our condo and a private practitioner. For every visit, we spent somewhere between MYR100 and MYR120 (PHP1,200.00 to PHP1,500.00), especially if there were tests that we needed to accomplish. We also inquired how much it would cost to bring help from the Philippines to Malaysia.

If we want to go through the formalities and shit, we need Php100,000.00 upfront and that doesn’t include the yaya’s salary, lounging, and food. Muntik na akong matae when we heard how much it cost to get help. So we computed how much it would cost to bring your grandparents to Malaysia and stay there for up to 4 months (by batch) and the costs are still too high, not to mention the production-related expenses that would happen if our printing operations would be put on hold because your LolaMommy would be out of duty.

That’s why we also decided to move back. Living abroad has its perks but the biggest support we need is here at home. You need to be with your own people. You need to be surrounded by people who love you—people that we also love.
Now, here comes the hospital expenses.

When your Daddy accepted a new job here in PH, we were so excited to know that his HMO is a good one that provides for his dependents. We figured, good, we’ll be able to use it for the delivery. But the timing wasn’t right. We learned that I would only be able to use my HMO card when he is regularized at work—four months after we moved back but I would have given birth by then.

It’s a blessing that your LolaMommy and Uncle soon-to-be Doc are connected with the medical community so we were able to find good doctors who are also affiliated with the same HMO.

When Dra.JMF found out that I couldn’t use my HMO card yet, she was so gracious to give us a discount for the checkups, which really helped because during the 3rd trimester, we were asked to undergo tests almost every month and then every two weeks, and finally every week.

And surprise, we had to have an emergency CS operation because my cervix won’t soften (basta ayaw bumaka kasi masyado tight daw yung muscles ko kaka-workout). You already pooped inside at you were probably eating your own shit already. I could only imagine now how your father looked when Dra.JMF explained it to him. The blood probably drained from his face, just kidding, we prepared for it as soon as we knew the possible due date. We also had to get a private room instead of a ward and had to book you a fancy tanning room for one night a NICU to treat physiological jaundice. And of course, there’s the breastfeeding challenge and our decision to mix feed and eventually decide to give formula full time.

At the half-a-year mark, we already finished the majority of the preliminary vaccines for you. Even though we have a family friend who owns a vaccine distribution company, we choose to get vaccines from your official pediatrician out of convenience, and convenience ain’t cheap. Then here’s the routine expenses in the form of diapers and formula milk. Every 14 days, we buy your formula milk and you drink milk like a construction worker eats rice. Ang laki na ng pata mo.

So you see, unless one is ready financially, delay pregnancy until you get your bank accounts ready. Now, if any of you tambays tell me that money is not a big deal and #justlove, sige, pakain mo love mo sa anak mo. Even if we know that our families are here, your father and I strive to always be independent. But we allow our family and friends, especially your grandparents, to shower you with love (and gifts, haha).

It’s shabby to talk about money, but when you’re planning a family, you have to talk to your partner about it. That’s part of adulting and soon-to-be parenting. Having a baby is expensive but every day, your Daddy and I see where our money goes---sa thigh part mo. You are our most precious investment.

There you have it, my very long two-cents. It doesn’t matter if you want to have a baby in your early or late whatever. As long as you’re financially capable, go for it. Otherwise, sabi nga sa commercial, “Wag ka matakot magtiwala sa Trust.”

XOXO,

Dear Peanut,

So here are some photos from your "meaty" baptism reception. Meaty because we decided to host a barbecue-themed late lunch for our guests. But no, it's not your usual Pinoy barbecue on a stick. It's New York-style barbecue. I'm not good at describing food, really, so let me copy what it says on the Mighty Quinn's website: "All-naturally raised meat slow smoked over oak, apple, and cherry wood."

We served beef brisket, spare ribs, chicken, and pulled pork with rice, burger buns, and assorted sides (the hush corn fritters were a hit with the guests!). We didn't get to take photos of the food, but you can check my post herefor some food photos.

You changed outfits for the reception. Initially, we wanted you to wear the Batman onesie your Ninong Bim gave you during the baby shower but it's still too big for you. Here are some photos of our guests.

With the Castillos, Blancaflors, Austrias, Dela Cruzes, and Yaps.

With Tisyu from Uranus. You'll get it when you grow up. :)

With your Daddy's college friends!

Castillos, Blancaflors, Austrias, Dela Cruzes, and Yaps.

Castillo Women

Yaps and Derlas

With the Go Family

With the Derlas and Espinolas

With your LolaMommy and LoloDaddy's 20% Dabarkads. They added the 20% in their group name because they all get 20% discount as senior citizens, haha.

With the Dela Cruz Family

With the Cartagenas and Montons

With your Mom's Ramen Group

The Espinolas

Ninong Wayne and Auntie Lan

With the Derlas

With the 3 Grandmas

Uncle Lawrence and Sophia

Ninong Paolo and Auntie Sarie

With your LolaMama's friends

With the Eustaquios

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

So on April 28, 2018, your Uncle soon-to-be Doc (UncleD) also celebrated his 26th birthday. This is part of the reason why we chose this date for your baptism---double celebration!

Your LoloDaddy and LolaMommy sponsored your cakes and we had a surprise candle-blowing activity for you and your UncleD.

Okay, so parang hindi ka masaya na may kasabay ka sa event mo, hahaha. Or were you just copying your UncleD's facial expression?

Happy 26th birthday, UncleD!

At dahil ang alam mo lang ay umiyak, kumain, tumae, at magpa-cute, kami na ng Daddy mo ang nag-blow ng candles sa cake mo.

Ang sabi ng photographer, "wacky."

Your Daddy must have heard "retarded", hahaha.

xoxo,

Dear Pre-Mom Kath,

Two things.
First, you were great.
Second, I want to punch you in the face.

Okay, now, let me explain.

First, I think you were great. Some even said, you rocked! Maybe you were not as “wild” as others would define “wild” but boy, you’ve always had a liberal mind. Let me explain before some of my motherfucker relatives make me the subject of their reunion talks again. This has nothing to do with my sex life.

You were wild in the sense that you believed in dating equality. You never waited for guys to ask you out. You never asked for dates to foot the bill. You never asked them to carry your bag for you or pick up something for you–to the point that you deliberately snubbed James Reid who bent down to pick up the towel you accidentally dropped at the gym.True story.

Unlike some people you know, you never waited on a man or used one to get what you want. You didn't marry for money like some people you know. You went after your own goals. You believed that women can make the first move—which led you to meet your husband on Friendster by sending him a smiley and telling him that he looked cute in his profile photo. Malandi ka din, and you came on strong. But that’s exactly what you were looking for—a man who is strong enough to love and live with an unconventional, stubborn, go-getter Virgo woman. And you found him.

You were great that even if you worked for some shady companies during your early 20s, you also had the courage to show people—in many ways—that they're wasting away in that shithole in Cubao where you used to boss around beauty queens. You saw things for what it was—a dead-end job made glamorous with backstage passes and VIP tickets to concerts people don’t come to see.

People heard you. And they hated you for speaking some truths. You were brave enough to walk away, cut the ties, burn the dilapidated bridge along with the expired otaps, and even take some people with you because you don’t want to see them die a long, corporate death. You were labeled as a rebel and many other colorful words, you were sure.

You did a lot of things. You pursued the things you said you would do. You project managed your own church wedding for god’s sake. And when you got to that MNC you became something else entirely—a 2.0 version of corporate self you never thought existed only to leave it all behind to follow your husband abroad because you don’t believe in a long distance relationship.

And just when you thought you can’t have a career in Malaysia (where a dependent pass prevented you from working there), you struck gold through freelancing and lived the expat life you created for yourself. You traveled, you helped your family back home in many ways you can, and you wrote and published those 3 books before you gave birth to a wonderful, beautiful baby boy.

But you were also full of drama.
You were judgmental. And mean.

Now, even if you were able to justify all those drama and attitude in the past, remember that you’ve always had a choice. But still, you chose to be mean. And you still chose to hurt many people.

You chose to blow things out of proportion, to shred your husband’s polo shirts into pieces because the stupid laundry girl in his Upper East Side (Taytay, guys) ruined your favorite red blouse and then she lied about it. You wanted her head on a silver platter because she wouldn’t admit to ruining your favorite clothing item. You washed your own clothes after that, just to make a point. You were such a brat. Like Kris Aquino.

You were very selective with your circles. And looking back, there was nothing really wrong with that. Only that you weren’t selective enough—a lot of snakes slipped through the cracks. You had a list of people you wanted to punch in the face but never really had the courage to cut ties before because you wanted to keep tabs. You wanted to make sure they were miserable. You had a mental hate list and you didn’t know how much it has affected your judgment and your life. That’s why I want to punch you—my pre-mom self, in the face.

But then the most wonderful thing happened.

You became pregnant and you nurtured a human being in the span of 9 months. As you gained weight to support your growing belly, you knew how important it was to let go of things that weighed you down.

You had some time to mull it over, to think things through, and little by little, you did let go of some things and some people but it was only when your firstborn was about 3 months old that you made a huge life decision—to delete people from your social media and your life.

While you can’t really delete people in real life, you made that conscious decision to let go of hate, of your revenge plans, of your mental people-I-want-to-punch-in-the-face list. You finally realized that you didn't need to join the goddamn chismis fest because of this...

Okay, it's not because you are the best, the photo above is a reminder that you now choose to run with people like yourself. You're like that cheetah in the photo, you refuse to compete because you know you're not in the right race in the first place.

You are now doing what you've always told you would--talk about ideas and not people. Build on ideas, not gossip. And it’s not only because you’ve had had enough. It is more because you don’t have the time to think about the shallow things now, like literally.

Because you have a wonderful little human being who brings so much joy (and exhaustion, haha) to your life now. You learned how to focus your energy (both positive and negative) to the right things now. And while you know that you’re still the subject of gossip for some people, you—for the first time in your life—finally don’t care.

As a mother, you also have the best relationship with your own mother now. Because you are now in the phase of your life where you understand where she was coming far during those years you kept fighting over things you couldn’t wrap your stupid head around. Now, you also see more clearly the many sacrifices, individual and joint dreams your parents have for the business they started. You also see more clearly how hardworking and brilliant your brother and sister are and how truly kind, giving, supporting, and loving your husband is. You now laugh at how your husband needs pointers on the romance part (because you still project manage your date nights) but how he can also surprise the daylights out of you like that time he took you out for tea and scones at a swanky hotel in Makati.

To my dear mommy self, as you celebrated your first mother’s day, I just want to say that I love you more now and even if your head is still spinning because of all these MyPuhunan ideas, kudos to saying “No, thank you” to two big opportunities that dropped on your lap almost right after you made a decision to focus on the family business.

I know it wasn’t easy because it was for a team you’ve always considered the Dream Team but you also know what the priorities are now. Let me give you a pat on the back for the half-year milestone, for the new speed in which you thrive, and for expanding your circles far and wide, and building an even stronger network that will soon build your net worth.

To my new mommy self, I am excited about all the things you will soon do. I love you better than I did my pre-mom self.

xoxo,

Dear Peanut,

Your mother is having a Sharon Cuneta moment. Damn that new ice cream commercial, the song’s been stuck in my head since last week. But more than the song and Sharon Cuneta’s kurot-sa-puso rendition, these lines struck me the most…

“You've got to let go a little

And feel the joy come in little by little”

These past few days, I’ve noticed how your father and I have started to—little by little—let go of several “training wheels.” I remember this one time when I asked your father why you seem to be happier whenever you’re with him that when you’re with me, your Daddy said, “Hindi mo kasi siya pinapabayaan maging malaya.” Seriously, verbatim.

And then I realized that whenever you’re with me, I make you sit the right way; I make you hold your books the right way; I help you stand the right way. I set a safe perimeter and that’s only where you can roam around. Whereas when it’s Daddy-and-Peanut time, I see you sprawled on the bed like drunken sonsofbitches—books, lotion, diaper cream, used shower towel (still wet) on the bed, and you’re either watching skateboarding videos on the smartphone or ignoring each other.

But your Daddy’s right—you are more “free” when you’re with him. While there is still a safe perimeter set, you’re free to go rogue. I guess it’s a Mommy / Daddy thing.

So when I first heard the song, I thought about that real hard.

These past two weeks, we’ve seen like the biggest and most recognizable growth spurt so far at #11MonthsOld. Even your new AteDy mentioned that your face changed a bit—less fluffy, less baby, more toddler-y—and you’ve become more active. And just this afternoon, when you and AteDy were hanging out in the balcony and I’m fixing something near the windows, I saw, for the first time, how much your face has changed. You still look stupid, sometimes (I say that with love, #DontMe) but your features are taking on a more structured, chiseled (even) look—more and more like your Aladdin-look-alike daddy.

I’ve also started letting go of the “training wheels”, little by little. I started to trust you more when you’re crawling, sitting up, standing up, and trying to stand up for long stretches of time without support. I let you crawl under the table and make like a dog while Daddy’s having dinner (it’s become a thing now, really). I trust that you won’t fall face flat…I mean, of course, I’m still terrified, but unlike before, I learned how to give that still-protective distance/allowance.

I’ve learned how to trust you with more and more people now. I also lightened up on my stiff ways like the do’s and don’ts with you. Before, I was just really, really scared because you’re so tiny, so vulnerable. Now that you’re bigger, almost-a-year old, and you hit and kick like a !@#$%^&*, I trust that you’re stronger, braver.

So in order for you to learn and master new skills, I need to let go a little. And whenever you manage to learn something new, you look at me as if to seek approval. Just like that, the joys come little by little. :)

Love,

#MFMF: Zhy Permejo Guinto's Mixed Feeding Journey

#MFMF: Marla Mae Centeno's Mixed Feeding Journey

#MFMF: Tens Ogbinar Celis' Mixed Feeding Journey

#MFMF: Aidelenn Wong-Bajandi's Mixed Feeding Journey

#MFMF: Marie Antonette's Mixed Feeding Journey

[QB] Your First Low-Grade Fever

[QB] Amazing Race-Style Day Trip at TMC

[TM] "He won't be this little again."

[TM] Your Smart Parenting Debut

[Sharing] Adam Ruins Everything: Breastfeeding

[Internet Finds] "The Last Time"

The Last Time

[TM] Your First Bukol and 5-Month Birthday Dinner

[TM] How to (Sleep) Train Your Dragon, Baby

Sleep Training

[TM] Baby Shower and #DearPeanut Blog Launch

#JohnnyBeGood - Notes for Peanut from Guests

[TM] First ER Trip and Why I Don't Care Anymore

[TM] You....Son of a B*tch - My First Mother's Day Celebration

[TM] Mother's Day Tradition/s

[TM] Why We Chose Mighty Quinn's PH For Our Reception Venue

[TM] #JohnnyBeGood - Baptism Rites

#TigerMomRealTalk: When is the Perfect Time to Have Children?

[TM] #JohnnyBeGood - The Meaty Reception

[TM] #JohnnyBeGood - Your UncleD's 26th Birthday

[TM] A Letter to My Pre-Mom Self

[TM] I’m Having A Sharon Cuneta Moment